Litt Tirsdagshumor (Flyrelatert)

[sirpjalle]

Dette er garantert gammel humor, men det er morro lell:

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P); and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

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Defect: The autopilot doesn't.
Action: IT DOES NOW.

Defect: Seat cushion in 13F smells rotten.
Action: Fresh seat cushion on order.

Defect: Turn & slip indicator ball stuck in center during turns.
Action: Congratulations. You just made your first coordinated turn!

Defect: Whining sound heard on engine shutdown.
Action: Pilot removed from aircraft.

Defect: Pilot's clock inoperative.
Action: Wound clock.

Defect: Autopilot tends to drop a wing when fuel imbalance reaches 500 pounds.
Action: Flight manual limits maximum fuel imbalance to 300 pounds.

Defect: #2 ADF needle runs wild.
Action: Caught and tamed #2 ADF needle.

Defect: Unfamiliar noise coming from #2 engine.
Action: Engine run for four hours. Noise now familiar.

Defect: Noise coming from #2 engine. Sounds like man with little hammer.
Action: Took little hammer away from man in #2 engine.

Defect: Whining noise coming from #2 engine compartment.
Action: Returned little hammer to man in #2 engine.

Defect: Flight attendant cold at altitude.
Action: Ground checks OK.

Defect: 3 roaches in cabin.
Action: 1 roach killed, 1 wounded, 1 got away.

Defect: Weather radar went ape!
Action: Opened radar, let out ape, cleaned up mess!

[sirpjalle]

Fant denne og (merkelig hvor mye som finnes på web gitt)

A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?" The boy admitted that this was the case. "Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Your mother can explain that to you.

[DonRuud]

Haha... den første var hvertfall bra og det var sirpjalle sin og...

[Discus]

257, Do you have Charlie?
Tower, 257, Negative, we left him back at the hanger!

257, Do you have Echo?
Tower, 257, Negative, recieving you loud and clear!

257, Do you have Hotel?
Tower, 257, Negative, We are staying with friends!

257, Do you have Juliet?
Tower, 257, Negative, and please don't say anything to my wife!

257, Do you have Kilo?
Tower, 257, Negative, but I think there a couple roaches in the ashtray!

257, Do you have Mike?
Tower, 257, Negative, I have a push-to-talk button and a headset!

257, Do you have Oscar?
Tower, 257, Negative, but I'm expecting a nomination this year!

257, Do you have Popa?
Tower, 257, Negative, but I wrote him a letter last week!

257, Do you have Romeo?
Tower, 257, Negative, Negative! Wherefore art thou Romeo?

257, Do you have Uniform?
Tower, 257, Negative, just jeans and sweatshirt!

257, Do you have Victor?
Tower, 257, Negative, Who is Victor?

257, Do you have Xray?
Tower, 257, Negative, my doctor wants a CAT Scan!

257, Do you have Whiskey?
Tower, 257, Negative, not in last 8 hours, Am I not on assigned heading?